Soul Sustenance: Stress Relief

Disclosure: I received a complimentary copy of the book 5 Minutes to Stress Relief as a thank-you for this post.

I recently had the chance to interview Lauren E. Miller who wrote a very helpful blog on how we can have a significant impact on our stress levels with just a few minutes at a time. I enjoyed reading the book and loved the variety of tips presented. You can read my full review here. You can also enjoy what she has to say in the interview:

1.     What impact does stress have on our relationships and our health?

When you’re stressed out you are mucking around in the primal brain, which activates the fight, flight, and freeze mode. When this happens you severely compromise your ability to access quick solution based thinking, attention and flexibility located in the mid to back part of the brain. Relationships require flexibility and attention. If you are stressed out and worried about different aspects of your life then the spontaneous expressions of love and playfulness, which create levity and joy in relationships, is severely compromised. In terms of the impact of stress on our health, a 20-year landmark study out of the University of London discovered that unmanaged reactions to stress were more of a contributing factor to heart disease and cancer than cigarette smoking and high cholesterol foods. Let's face it; worry, fear and doubt wreak havoc on our emotional, physical and spiritual wellbeing. I know this first hand as I was diagnosed with advanced cancer one week prior to my final divorce court date.

2.     What are some common sources of stress that we can avoid?

Stress is very unique to each individual. Each of us carries around our own stress triggers: those circumstances and responses from life that create a negative emotional flare-up. Stress has three main fuels: fear, worry and doubt.

·      Fear around what will people think? How is this going to turn out? Will I be able to handle this? Am I enough? Capable? Worthy? Each of these wonderings gives the serpent of fear permission to have it’s way within our thought life and the result is anxiety, trepidation and shrinking back from our God given ability to feel the fear and go for it anyway. 

·      The serpent of worry keeps us up at night fueling us with an unhealthy wondering: “I need to know how this will turn out in order to feel safe and confidant.”

·      Doubt has to do with your belief around your worth and value in this world.  The less self-worth or belief in your God given gifts, talents and abilities the more vulnerable you become to the serpent of doubt, strangling the confidence right out of you.

Awareness and flexibility are key ingredients for more peace in life. Rather than trying to avoid the triggers, become aware of them, look them straight in the eye and say, “I see you for what you are and I choose to resurrect my God given natural state of being: peace and confidence, easily and consistently.” 

3.  How can 5 minutes really help in terms of stress relief? 

It has to if it’s going to work in a high demand life. Let's face it, when you are stressed out the last thing you want to do is sit down and study stress management. When you’re worried, fearful or doubting, you need something quick that works. If you can’t apply a stress relief tip or technique under 5 minutes you will probably lean into familiar reactive behavior. When you implement a technique that instantly addresses the biology and belief behind your stressed out reaction in the midst of a highly emotionally charged situation, you have the ability to shift back to solution based thinking on the spot and back to a place of flexibility and confidence: “oh that’s right, I’ve been stressed like that before and moved through it successfully so I am willing to believe I can do it again.”

4.     Did you already have stress relief tools that helped you deal with your stressful situation: going through advanced cancer and divorce at the same time? 

Yes. I had been studying stress relief, anxiety management along with mind, body, soul inner balance for 18 years prior to the cancer diagnosis and divorce that occurred in 2006. I looked at going through 2 of life’s top stressors at the same time as my PhD training in suffering (emotionally, physically and spiritually) which gave me the opportunity to practice what I had been teaching and learning about the majority of my life. The greatest teachers in this world are those who are consistent students, who teach not from the high palaces of the world but from down in the trenches. I believe God gave me the grace to move through this experience so that I can connect to the hearts of humanity through my own vulnerability thereby opening the doors to an authentic transfer of skills, techniques and tips for inner faith, motivation, confidence, peace and solution based thinking. I am never left empty handed of good material from my own journey to share with the world. I will often say this prayer of gratitude, “Thank you God for never leaving me empty handed when it comes to having valuable material from my own journey that can lighten up, inspire and empower the lives of those people you have entrusted to my care.” No need to shrink back from the experience of vulnerability in life for it creates instant heart to heart connection and respect.

Want More from the Author? Check Out Lauren E Miller.com Making Life Style Stress Solutions Easy for You.

Lauren E Miller is a world renowned stress relief expert, award winning international bestselling author/speaker and founder of Stress Solutions University.com receiving national recognition in Redbook, Ladies Home Journal, Family Circle, CNBC, MSNBC, Lifetime and Discovery along with the International Journal of Healing and Care. With 18 years of intensive extended education in the areas of anxiety relief and stress reduction, Lauren equips men and women worldwide with the skill-sets to step into personal excellence and inner peace. Lauren is a certified Master NLP Practitioner and holds her Advanced Training Certificate in EFT, two energy psychology modalities that lead to profound inner transformation.  She has conquered two top life stressors at the same time: advanced cancer and divorce. Her 4^th best-selling book: 5 Minutes to Stress Relief was released by Career Press/New Page Books Spring 2013.

Soul Sustenance: Revealing Jesus

Although I haven't made it all the way through Revealing Jesus: A 365-Day Devotional I've done enough to be able to review it. This devotional focuses specifically on Jesus - his life, death, and resurrection. It's written to go along with the CD of the same name by Darlene Zschech, singer/songwriter, author, worship leader, and speaker. The devotions are short, nice nuggets for a quick read before bed or a good way to start your day off on the right foot. Although I was brought up in the church and learned a lot about Jesus growing up, I'm still finding nuggets of wisdom, insights, or details that I hadn't thought much of before, or that I never knew. This is a great devotional for anyone interested in learning more about who Jesus was historically, and what He has done for us.

Disclosure: Post contains affiliate links, which support this blog at no cost to you. I received a complimentary e-version to facilitate this review. All opinions are my own.

Soul Sustenance: In the Garden of Thoughts

Source: dodinsky.com via Dodinsky on Pinterest

For more great quotes like this, check out In the Garden of Thoughts.

Disclosure: Post contains affiliate or sponsored links, which support this blog at no cost to you. I received complimentary products to facilitate this post. All opinions are my own.

Mindful Parenting: Upon Arrival, Proceed to Baggage Claim

 

An Excerpt from Nurturing the Soul of Your Family

Relationships of all types can be challenging. In particular, family members, partners, and children often develop a sixth sense for how to push our buttons. For myself, to become less reactive, I’ve had to slowly become more self-aware, compassionate, loving toward myself, and attuned to my needs — which has made me a much more emotionally present parent and partner.

Some of the keys are to show up in our relationships with a soft and open heart, a healthy perspective, and a full cup rather than a half-empty one. Before we can do that, however, we have to examine ourselves: we have to release and heal old self-limiting beliefs by understanding what we’re holding on to and why.

We all have emotional baggage. Ever heard the phrase “the issues are in the tissues”? Our beliefs, scars, and old patterns from our family lineage, childhood, culture, education, and birth order all significantly affect our worldview and habitual ways of being. These, in turn, guide how we show up and relate to our family members.

Some days we get easily triggered. Maybe our child not putting their dirty clothes in the laundry room sends us over the edge, while other days they could break the front door and we’d just roll with it. Our state of being has the most impact on how we respond to external circumstances. Some days we receive the gift of observing when we’re stuck in an old pattern or way of seeing things, and other times we just feel stuck, or else constantly critical or judgmental, thinking of our partner or children: “If they’d just listen to me, we’d all be happier!”

When this happens, look inward to see if you have any unclaimed baggage. For instance, when my son, Jonah, was about to turn ten, he and I went through a really difficult patch. He’s a beautiful, passionate, mature, intense kid, and as he reached adolescence, his level of defiance at times overwhelmed me. A simple request to finish homework or put his dirty dishes in the sink could invoke an emotional tsunami. Since I have a tendency to be controlling, our interactions were a Molotov cocktail.

After a particularly hard stretch involving lots of crying jags (mostly mine), I called Terri, a parent educator, and asked if my husband and I could see her for a session. I was exhausted from the stressful interchanges and needed help. After I explained our situation, Terri turned to me and gently shared, “You are going through mourning — Jonah is no longer a child. He’s an adolescent.” Terri went on to highlight some of the science around early-adolescent behavior  and how best to support my son; in short, offer love and acceptance, not solutions and tips for improvement. After that illuminating session, things got much easier in our home — not yellow-brick-road happy, but the crying and yelling diminished greatly. 

In part, the improvement occurred because my husband and I tweaked our language and gave Jonah more freedom, but mostly things changed because my husband and I shifted ourselves internally. We realized we were holding unrealistic, supersized fears that were causing us to be overly critical; our heads had become filled with visions of our out-of-control nine-year-old turning into a sixteen-year-old heroin addict. We were “parenting from the future” and from our own fears and wounds, rather than from the present moment, which was what our son most needed. This aha moment and shift in our awareness are what created the big shift in our family dynamic that we needed. Often we have to break down in order to break through.

# # #

Life balance coach/speaker Renée Peterson Trudeau is the author of the new book Nurturing the Soul of Your Family.  Thousands of women in ten countries are participating in Personal Renewal Groups based on her first book, the award-winning The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal. Visit her online at www.ReneeTrudeau.com. If you'd like to connect with Renee on Facebook you'll find her here.  She's also on Twitter @reneetrudeau.

Excerpted from the new book Nurturing the Soul of Your Family ©2013 Renée Peterson Trudeau.  Published with permission of New World Library 

Disclosure: I received a complimentary e-copy of the book as a thank-you for this post.

Soul Sustenance: Discard Damaging Thoughts

This is a trick that can work for kids and adults. It sounds cheesy, but the research backs it up. The next time you're stressed or have a negative thought eating away at you, throw it away - literally. Write it down (little kids can draw a picture) and then shred it, tear it, throw it away, burn it in a bonfire - whatever. The physical act of throwing it away can help our minds let go.

Soul Sustenance: Putting Your Faith in Action

Having faith, beliefs, and convictions is a great thing, but your life is measured by the actions you take based upon them. You can build a great life around those things you believe and have faith in. I’ve built mine around my belief that I can inspire and bring hope to people facing challenges in their lives. That belief is rooted in my faith in God. I have faith that He put me on this earth to love, inspire, and encourage others and especially to help all who are willing to accept Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. I believe that I can never earn my way to heaven, and by faith I accept the gift of the forgiveness of sins through Christ Jesus. However, there’s so much more than just “getting in” through the Pearly Gates. It is also about seeing others changed by the power of His Holy Spirit, having a close relationship with Jesus Christ throughout this life, and then being further rewarded in heaven. 

Being born without arms and legs was not God’s way of punishing me. I know that now. I have come to realize that this “disability” would actually heighten my ability to serve His purpose as a speaker and evangelist. You might be tempted to think that I’m making a huge leap of faith to feel that way, since most people consider my lack of limbs a huge handicap. Instead, God has used my lack of limbs to draw people to me, especially others with disabilities, so I can inspire and encourage them with my messages of faith, hope, and love.

In the Bible, James said that our actions, not our words, are the proof of our faith. He wrote in James 2:18, “Now someone may argue, ‘Some people have faith; others have good deeds.’ But I say, ‘How can you show me your faith if you don’t have good deeds? I will show you my faith by my good deeds.’”

I’ve heard it said that our actions are to our faith and beliefs as our bodies are to our spirits. Your body is the housing of your spirit, the evidence of its existence. In the same way, your actions are the evidence of your faith and beliefs. You have no doubt heard the term “walking the talk.” Your family, friends, teachers, bosses, coworkers, customers, and clients all expect you to act and live in alignment with the beliefs and convictions that you claim to have. If you don’t, they will call you out, won’t they?

Our peers judge us not by what we say but by what we do. If you claim to be a good wife and mother, then you sometimes will have to put your family’s interests above your own. If you believe your purpose is to share your artistic talents with the world, then you will be judged on the works you produce, not on those you merely propose. You have to walk the talk; otherwise you have no credibility with others—or with yourself—because you, too, should demand that your actions match your words. If they don’t, you will never live in harmony and fulfillment.

As a Christian, I believe the final judge of how we’ve lived is God. The Bible teaches that His judgment is based on our actions, not our words. Revelation 20:12 says, “And I saw the dead, small and great, stand before God; and the books were opened: and another book was opened, which is the book of life: and the dead were judged out of those things which were written in the books, according to their works.” I act upon my beliefs by traveling the world and encouraging people to love one another and to love God. I am fulfilled in that purpose. I truly believe it is why I was created. When you act upon your beliefs and put your faith into action, you, too, will experience fulfillment. And please, do not be discouraged if you aren’t always absolutely confident in your purpose and how to act upon it. I have struggled. I still struggle. And so will you. I fail and am far from perfect. But deeds are merely the fruit—the result of the depth of a true conviction of the truth. Truth is what sets us free, not purpose. I found my purpose because I was looking for truth. 

It is hard to find purpose or good in difficult circumstances, but that is the journey. Why did it have to be a journey? Why couldn’t a helicopter just pick you up and carry you to the finish line? Because throughout the difficult times, you will learn more, grow more in faith, love God more, and love your neighbor more. It is the journey of faith that begins in love and ends in love.

Frederick Douglass, the American slave turned social activist, said, “If there is no struggle, there is no progress.” Your character is formed by the challenges you face and overcome. Your courage grows when you face your fears. Your strength and your faith are built as they are tested in your life experiences. 

Adapted from Unstoppable by Nick Vujicic with permission of WaterBrook Press, a division of Random House, Inc. All rights reserved.

Soul Sustenance: Learning the Art of Self-Challenge

Through taking healthy risks that make you a better person or the world a better place, you begin to develop a deeper appetite for good. At first it might not be very tasty. Taking even a small risk can be more difficult than it sounds. And that is why we have to practice. We have to develop the skill of challenging ourselves. We want the act of making healthy choices to become a natural and authentic part of who we are. But before something can become a habit, it often is a hassle. Put another way: if we want new habits to become instinctual, then they must first be intentional. And in order for that to happen, we have to practice the sacred art of self-challenge. 

I don’t want to freak you out, but what we’re really talking about is obedience. Obedience to God is the path that leads to Life. It’s the path that transforms you into the person you long to be. And obedience always requires risk.

What’s amazing is that much of our obedience is instinctual. In at least some areas of life, we naturally make healthy choices. We naturally smile at a stranger, or perhaps we have a great work ethic or are naturally curious or easygoing. Yet we can’t define obedience solely in terms of what comes naturally. Often our greatest moments of obedience come when it is least natural. Perhaps our natural tendency in certain situations is unhealthy or hurtful. Or perhaps what we naturally want to do is nothing, to avoid taking action when action is called for. In these moments we have to choose something else, something we don’t want to do, something that, most likely, will move us into the space of the unknown. 

I want to be a person who is able to act—who is able to obey—even when it’s unnatural. Intentionality and risk are the ways we develop a greater capacity to obey. When we say, “I’m going to do this thing that I wouldn’t normally do,” we are developing the capacity to grow into the people we were meant to be.

When Jesus invited people to follow Him, He was inviting them to obey Him. There are parts of you that already reflect God’s character, parts of your uniqueness that are expressions of something God wanted to say when He created you. Those are already consistent with following Jesus.

Maybe it’s your smile.
Maybe it’s your way with people.
Maybe it’s your work ethic.
Maybe it’s your sense of right and wrong.
Maybe it’s your intelligence or your curiosity for life.
Maybe it’s your sense of responsibility or your flare for fun.

These things are good just the way they are. It’s easy to obey when God calls us to things we naturally love. When God calls us to the stuff we already like (which happens a lot more than we realize), it’s one of the great pleasures of life.

Risk is the central narrative of the scriptures. When I do Spark Group trainings with faith communities, I always have participants do this exercise:

1. Pick any person in the scriptures that comes to mind.
2. Identify the risk God called that person to take.

This is surprisingly easy. And once people get going, it’s hard to get them to stop. Abraham: stopped living with his parents at age seventy and moved into no man’s land to start his own nation. Moses: even with a speech impediment, he stood up to the most powerful man in the world to liberate an enslaved people. Mary: endured the shame of people assuming she had been unfaithful to her fiancé. Joseph: remained committed to a teenage girl, his fiancée, who in the eyes of their neighbors and extended family was almost certainly an adulteress.

Samson.

Ruth.

The apostle Paul.

Rahab.

The twelve fellas who quit their jobs to follow Jesus, most of whom were later killed for doing so. The people whose stories are recorded in the history of the scriptures all took risks—often huge risks—to be a part of what God was doing in the world. It seems like a prerequisite for being mentioned in the narrative of the movement of God is the willingness and courage to risk. Like God’s people throughout history, we can jump into life in ways that only we can so that God can move in ways we cannot. Call it faith if you want, but in terms of everyday life, it’s risk. And it’s through risk that God can change our lives.

Faith. Love. Hope.
Risk. Compassion. Optimism.

When we begin to live out these values, we create a context that is thick with potential. When we have the courage to take risks of compassion that produce optimism in others, we create space for God to move and work. We begin to form our souls into the kind of textured lives that gives God traction to guide us into the future He dreamed we could participate in. And we become fully alive.
This is what Jesus did two thousand years ago. He assembled a team and spent three years with them, throwing them into the deep end of serving humanity. Coaching them. Teaching them. And then He kept saying weird things, such as “Have faith in me and you will do greater things than what I have done.”

And then, before He turned His followers and friends loose to serve humanity on God’s behalf, He said: “Go, create cultures of servant leadership, of risk, compassion, and optimism out of every society.” He looked into the eyes of folks like you and me and said, “Go.” Risk. Care. Create. Just like the people you’ve read about in this book, you have ideas that need to be set free. God has placed potential inside you, potential for creative joy and love, strength and peace. And all of that needs to be unleashed. So risk. Choose something. Do something. Partner together with God and others to pull off something beautiful that serves humanity. It will be hard. You will experience failure. But I promise, you will never regret it.

As Steven Ma put it: “It’s definitely a challenge. It’s definitely a risk. But most important: it’s fun.” This is the way the world heals. It is the way God has chosen to move through the contours of history. He has chosen our hearts, our feet, our fingertips. Some people will hear God’s voice only if it sounds like ours, inviting them into the adventure of hope that we have been invited into.

This is how we spark our world. When we begin to realize that learning is a verb and that life is the best classroom. When we begin taking risks of compassion in the context of community. When we start intentionally leaning into our relationships, our careers, our faith. When we step outside of our comfort zones and experience a life that can exist only if God is with us.

Our world will begin to change.

One small risk at a time.

Adapted from Spark by Jason Jaggard with permission of WaterBrook Press, a division of Random House, Inc. All rights reserved.

Soul Sustenance: This Year Dream Bigger, Start Smaller

I’ve met a lot of people who knew what it was to burn plows and set out to live for God but didn’t know what to do next. They prayed, they made a commitment—and they got stuck. As a pastor, I’ve seen it over and over again. As a man trying to live for God, I’ve experienced it over and over again.

I’m guessing you’ve made plenty of resolutions about stuff you needed to start doing or stop doing. Maybe you were going to start praying or reading your Bible more.

Or maybe you were going to stop smoking or boycott carbohydrates or stop looking at pornography or stop saying mean things about family members behind their backs. Maybe you decided to break away from a relationship you knew was unhealthy for you. 

The way I see it, there are two major reasons why well-intentioned people like us get stuck after we burn our plows. One, we don’t think big enough. Two, we don’t start small enough.

I’m not trying to talk like Yoda here. Thinking big enough and starting small enough are two sides of the same coin. So I not only want to motivate you to dream bigger dreams for your life. I also want to challenge you to take realistic steps of obedience that can actually make God’s vision come to pass.

After all, our God “is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine” (Ephesians 3:20). It is true that we often settle for dreams and visions that are far less than those God has for us. And He wants us to experience much more. If I didn’t believe that, the title of this book would be Samer.

So of course God wants you to believe big—it’s in His very nature. I’ve devoted my whole ministry to inspiring people with this truth. Preacher Dwight L. Moody made a statement that I love: “If God is your partner, make your plans big.” That way of thinking makes my heart race. 

But we’re not going to see God’s bigger vision fulfilled in our lives just because we spend more time thinking transcendent thoughts. We don’t attain greater things simply by lying on the couch and concentrating on the possibilities of a better life. Alas, sitting for thousands of hours with my headphones on listening to Guns N’ Roses and imagining I was Axl Rose didn’t translate into my being the lead singer of the world’s most dangerous rock’n’roll band. You do have to be willing to think big. But the active ingredient of God’s greater work through us is our willingness to start small. 

I want to show you an incredible image in one of the first main-stage miracles Elisha performs after Elijah departs and leaves the ministry in his successor’s hands. It demonstrates the principle that small steps and hard work precipitate a move of God. That human action prepares the way for supernatural favor.

It comes from 2 Kings 3, and it goes like this:
King Joram is ruling over Israel during the years when the kingdom is divided. When the king of Moab rebels against him, the frightened king enlists King Jehoshaphat of Judah and the king of Edom to help him. Their combined military force should be fearsome against the Moabites—but they almost immediately run out of water for their armies and animals. Now they are preparing to face a terrifying foe while facing an even more terrifying fate: dying of thirst. Par for the course in Israel’s history, the crisis drives King Joram to look for divine help. He isn’t desperate for God, but he is desperate for a solution. King Jehoshaphat asks if there is a prophet who could consult God for them. A servant reminds him of Elisha, the artist formerly known as Mr. Plow. So the three kings and their entourages go looking for Elisha. Elisha confirms to the kings that water will flow from Edom by the time the sun comes up the next morning. Their armies and their animals will have plenty to drink. The drought is almost over. God is going to deliver Moab to His people just as they prayed for. Hallelujah, somebody?

But he tells the kings to take a small, ludicrous step first. This is what the Lord says: Make this valley full of ditches. (verse 16) Why would anybody in their right mind dig ditches to hold rain that isn’t even in the forecast? Because that’s the way faith works. When you know God has promised you greater things, you don’t wait for a sign to appear before you respond. The kings wanted a miracle. They would get their miracle. But first they got a work order: This is no time for the power of positive thinking. Tie a bandanna around your head and pick up a shovel.

It would have been great if all the army had to do was sit around thinking hydration-related thoughts or had a few guided exercises to help them visualize the water. But that’s not how God operates.

It’s as if God says, “If you really believe I’m going to do what I told you I would do, get busy. Show Me your faith, and then I’ll show you My faithfulness. Do your part. If you will do what I asked you to do, I will be faithful to My word.

“If you’ll dig the ditches, I’ll send the rain.”

The entire nation must have pitched in and dug all night, because they got it done. The next morning the water arrived. As promised. As always. The newly installed ditches were full of water, the armies and animals were refreshed, and the joint army easily overtook the Moabites. I think Elisha used the process of ditch digging to teach Israel this important paradox of great faith: Only God can send the rain. But He expects you to dig the ditches.

It really comes down to this: What small steps and practical preparations is God asking you to make for the greater life He wants you to live? What ditches is He asking you to dig? You can’t expect God to entrust you with a big dream if He can’t trust you to make a small start.

You can’t have the apostle Paul’s walk with God overnight. Big dream. But you can pray ten minutes a day beginning tomorrow. Small start.

You can’t entirely mend a broken relationship overnight. Big dream. But you can have a conversation and open the door, write the letter, make the call, say, “I’m sorry.” Small start.

If your kid is far from God, you can’t bring him back overnight. Big dream. But you could start praying for him every day. Small start.

Notice what Elisha doesn’t say; he doesn’t tell the kings to dig one ditch. No singular ditch digging on this prophet’s watch. Instead, make this valley full of ditches. Plural. Believe that God is going to send a lot of rain.

If we really believe God is an abundant God, ready and willing to bless our lives in greater ways than we could ever imagine, we ought to be digging all kinds of ditches. In our relationships. In our careers. In our ministries. In every area of our lives, there ought to be heavy-duty equipment on site. Moving dirt. Making preparation. And we ought to dig ditches using every means available. We can dig ditches with our words. With our prayers. With our expectations. Even with our thoughts.

How many ditches are you willing to dig? How deep will you dig them? You’re not digging alone. And it’s not in vain. God has a downpour scheduled in your near future. The deeper you dig, the greater the rainfall has the potential to be.

Adapted from Greater by Steven Furtick with permission of Multnomah Books, a division of Random House, Inc. All rights reserved.

Soul Sustenance: Resolve to Love

Right now, there are three relationships in your life that trouble you. Perhaps a good friend said something to you yesterday. It felt critical, but you’re not sure what she meant. The two of you used to be so close, but lately you’ve been drifting apart. Something’s not right. Oh, and your mother called. There’s that. You know you should return her call, but you haven’t. Why? You know there are things you should have said before, you avoided them, and now you feel it’s too late. It’s always so hard with her. Always messy. And then...your son has been missing. Not missing physically, but he’s been distant, quiet, silent. Missing emotionally. What’s that about? What’s going on in his life? You want to reach out, but he pushes you away. It worries you. 

Maybe the relationships in your life aren’t exactly like these, but I’m guessing these remind you of someone close to you, a problem relationship in your life right now. Maybe it’s not your mother but your father, perhaps not your son but a daughter-in-law. It could be your best friend. Whoever it is, he or she is someone who matters to you—or else the relationship wouldn’t trouble you, gnaw at you on the inside, make you question and grumble, or even bring you to tears.

So take a moment and think, who are these three key people in your life? Which meaningful relationships are troubling you? Relationships you wish were closer. Relationships you’d like to be deeper and richer. Relationships that trouble you, bother you, even make you a little crazy right now.
Seriously, think about it. Who are they? And now take a moment to name these three key relationships out loud.

Trust me, this is important for you. In fact, this may be the most significant thing you do in your life right now. Why? Because life is way too short. At the end of the day—at the end of The Day—in this all-too-short life we share, all that really matters is relationships. Our relationships with the God who created us and with the people we love. Compared to these relationships, the job or career goals we set now aren’t really so important, the ladders we try to climb don’t matter so much, and the objects we long to own and possess seem utterly trivial.

What really counts in the end is that special knowing look you share with your spouse, the arms of your child reaching up to you, or the quiet comfort of a friend who stands by your side in a difficult time. 

The award-winning animated movie Up contains some profound truths about relationships. In a breathtaking sequence early in the film, we see the entire arc of the life of Carl, a balloon salesman, as he meets Ellie, falls in love, and gets married. They share a dream to travel to South America and save every penny for their big trip. But there’s something familiar about the way their savings are constantly being used for the urgencies and emergencies of daily life. Before Carl and Ellie know it, they’re in their seventies, and although they have a beautiful marriage, they never realized their dream adventure. Ellie dies, and Carl is overwhelmed with regret about the trip they never took. In a desperate attempt to escape loneliness and recapture memories of Ellie, Carl attaches a bunch of balloons to his house and sets out for South America! You begin to realize as the movie progresses that this dream trip they were saving for, this object of their future plan together, wasn’t really that important after all. The real adventure was the life they shared along the way. 

The same is true for us: the adventure of a lifetime is right in front of us. It’s just cleverly disguised as a familiar face. 

Think about the possible loss of the relationship with one of those three people you named. You can’t do anything about death and the physical departure of one of them from this earth. That’s in God’s hands. But you can do something about your relationship with them in life. 

Much of what you’ve been told about relationships is upside down and wrong.

Researchers tell us that a baby sees everything upside down for the first few days of life until the brain can adjust the visual picture to right side up. Most relationships today are stuck in this same infant stage; we tend to see relationships upside down, and our culture only reinforces this view. The concept of love at first sight permeates our music, movies, television, and books. What we learn as children and continue to believe as adults is that a fairy-tale relationship somehow just happens. Now, I’m not bashing romance, but meaningful relationships depend on seeing other people as they are and looking at them right side up. Real love—whether romantic love, a close friendship, or a family relationship—happens long after first sight. It shows up as people get to know each other more deeply and often after they work through tough things together. Real love in relationships isn’t a magic act; it’s a journey. When people say, “It was love at first sight,” what they really mean is “I was attracted to that person the first time I saw them.” There is nothing wrong with being infatuated with someone at the start of a relationship. The real question, however, is, do you have a love that is growing stronger and deeper every day? 

I don’t believe in love at first sight; I believe in love at last sight. Each of my relationships has the potential to be better the next time we’re together than it was the previous time so that the last time we see each other on this earth we’re closer than ever before.

I’d like you to join me in the Lasting Love Relationship Challenge. The book One Month to Love is the challenge, and you can do it on your own. Just read a chapter each day. There are thirty chapters, they’re short, and you can probably read one a day pretty easily. At the end of each chapter you’ll find the Lasting Love Relationship Challenge, which is designed to help you take the insights from that day and apply them to your key relationships. Also you can log on to onemonthtolove.com each day to access our personal coaching and get extra encouragement and advice or share your story. Our goal is to come alongside you to help you create the very best relationships possible. Let’s resolve to love this year! 

Adapted from One Month to Love by Kerry and Chris Shook with permission of Multnomah Books, a division of Random House, Inc. All rights reserved.

Soul Sustenance: Happy New Year!

In the new year... May God give you: For every storm, a rainbow, For every tear, a smile, For every care, a promise, And a blessing in each trial. For every problem life sends, A faithful friend to share, For every sigh, a sweet song, And an answer for each prayer. (author unknown)

Soul Sustenance: Wonderstruck: Awaken to the Nearness of God

Margaret Feinberg has a new book and 7-session Bible Study called Wonderstruck: Awaken to the Nearness of God (releasing Christmas Day)—a personal invitation for you to toss back the covers, climb out of bed, and drink in the fullness of life. Wonderstruck will help you:

• Recognize the presence of God in the midst of your routine
• Unearth extraordinary moments on ordinary days
• Develop a renewed passion for God
• Identify what’s holding you back in prayer
• Discover joy in knowing you’re wildly loved

To learn more, watch the Wonderstruck Video,  Follow Margaret’s snarky, funny, and inspirational posts on @mafeinberg, facebook.com/margaretfeinberg, or her blog.
You can learn more about this great book by visiting www.margaretfeinberg.com/wonderstruck where she’s offering some crazy promos right now with up to $300 of free stuff. I’ve seen the book for as low as $7.57 ($14.99 retail) on Barnes &Noble for all you savvy shoppers.

So where have you seen the wonder of God in your life?

One of the best ways I've been able to find the wonder of God in my life is actually through my kids. Right now, everything is awesome to them, so I'm able to find the wonder of God by looking at things from their viewpoint.

Soul Sustenance: Joy Journal

I recently had a chance to review Joy Journal by Rebecca Kochendorfer. This is a heartwarming journal to go through. The goal of the journal is to help make joy a daily experience. This is such an important piece of having a fulfilling life, I think - the more you can really focus on the good parts of life, the more happy and satisfying your life will be.

The way it's written is nice because it is appropriate for both religious and non-religious people, so it would make a good fit for anyone. There are "tasks" to work with each day and week, but the "tasks" are easy to accomplish and are so rewarding. Really, it's just helping the reader focus on a different mindset.

If you've never tried journaling, or if you like journaling, this is a great idea. It's available as a beautiful hard copy book, or you can get a Kindle version that is still well-written, but can't be quite as visually appealing. If you hate journaling, you might want to give it a try, because it's a little easier to journal with prompts - and no one says you actually have to write anything down.

Disclosure: I downloaded this book for free when it was available on Amazon for free.

Soul Sustenance: Holiday Spirit

The holiday spirit - especially the being nice part - doesn't have to end with the holidays. - Whole Living

Mindful Parenting: Being a Happier Mom

Dr. Elizabeth Lombardo, author of A Happy You: Your Ultimate Prescription for Happiness, wants to share three of her top tips in how to be a happier mom.

1)    Jump on the bed: dance around the house, race your kids to the car.  Any type of exercise will boost your happiness

2)    Be assertive: don’t wait for your children or partner to ask how they can help.  Delve out the responsibilities

3)    Be grateful for all that you do and all the positives in your life.  Research shows that gratitude is the quickest and longest lasting way to achieve happiness

Elizabeth Lombardo, PhD, MS, PT is a clinical psychologist and physical therapist who helps people overcome stress and reach happiness, regardless what is going on in their lives. Dr. L elaborates on the idea that happiness is not something that is found, but rather a skill that needs to be worked on and correctly applied before an individual may reach that fulfillment. Although this idea is applied to all aspects of being happy, Dr. L focuses on helping specific individuals find happiness in a way that is accustomed to their personal lives.

 

Website Spotlight: The Chopra Well

Deepak Chopra and his children just launched a new YouTube Channel designed to change lives. Deepak, bestselling author, world-renowned pioneer in mind-body medicine, speaker and physician;  Mallika, founder of Intent.com; and Gotham Chopra, journalist and entrepreneur, have joined forces to “transform the world from the inside out” through their dynamic new lifestyle channel on YouTube: The Chopra Well.
 
The Chopra Well is a family affair, and draws on Deepak, Mallika and Gotham’s collective experiences, inter-generational wisdom and life journeys to help fulfill their mission to inspire 100 million people to change the world, one personal transformation at a time.  Acting as the catalyst for internal growth, the channel will motivate subscribers to achieve personal, social, global and spiritual awareness. 

“I believe that if 100 million people underwent personal transformation in the direction of peace, harmony, laughter, love, kindness, joy and equanimity the world would be fundamentally transformed,” said Dr. Chopra, author of 65 books and co-founder of the Chopra Center for Wellbeing.


 The Chopra Well includes captivating programming like:
"Spiritual Solutions"– Stories, tools and tips to help you find creative solutions to life’s challenges.
"Chopra Centered” –Tips and knowledge from experts at the Chopra Center. Shot on location in Carlsbad, Calif.
"Who Are You?” -- Interview show with host Deepak Chopra, featuring discussions with scientists, artists, experts, thought-leaders and social influencers (Perez Hilton and Vinnie G. are surprise guests).
“Holy Facts” -- An irreverent and light-hearted look at strange, phenomenal and unbelievable stories in the world of religion and spirituality; think "Ripley's Believe It or Not!" with a spiritual twist. Hosted by Gotham Chopra.  
"30 Days Of Intent"-- Mallika extends her online venture Intent.com to an entertaining show featuring YouTube sensation Alphacat and star athlete Natalie Spilger.  From healing with horses to a death & dying dinner, this spiritual makeover show will captivate audiences.
“Ask Deepak”-- A fresh, daily collection of Deepak’s thoughts on the most current topics from a wellness perspective.
“The Meditator” -- A new daily meditation show launching in July 2012. Ever wonder how to meditate? Need some help getting into the habit of meditation? Want to have some fun while you practice? You never know where we'll be meditating next, so meditate along with us everyday!
 
The Chopra Well Channel is produced in partnership with GENERATE STUDIOS, Alloy Digital’s in-house production division. The channel will be promoted through Alloy Digital-owned YouTube channels, which rank No. 1 in total YouTube subscribers, and through targeted websites across the Alloy Digital Network.
 
About The Chopra Well
The Chopra Well is a new YouTube channel featuring Deepak Chopra, family and friends. Subscribe to The Chopra Well, follow @TheChopraWell and like The Chopra Well on Facebook to embark on a journey of personal, social, global and spiritual transformation.

Soul Sustenance: Wasted Time

Time you enjoy wasting isn't wasted time. - Teri Trespicio, Whole Living Magazine

Soul Sustenance: Small Joys

Dwelling on small joys is more rewarding than obsessing over little annoyances. - Teri Trespicio, Whole Living Magazine

Healthy Habits: Meditation

Trying to improve your health? Consider adding meditation. It may be hard in a jam-packed schedule, but the benefits are well worth it. Plus, odds are you'll clear your mind and be more focused and productive during the day. It can also drop your blood pressure when done on a regular basis, lower stress levels, improve your willpower, and beef up your immune system.

Giveaway: MOMumental

I recently had an opportunity to review MOMumental: Adventures in the Messy Art of Raising a Family. This was an excellent, uplifting book. Most parents dream of being the "perfect mom" - but when you have four children, as writer Jennifer Grant does (her children are now 15, 13, 12, and 10), you realize that survival is more important than perfection. Quite honestly, with my two kids I feel that survival is more important most of the time!


She describes her parenting style Velveteen Rabbit parenting (like the rabbit in the story who becomes more real, with fur rubbed off and shine gone, but full of love. No matter what your parenting style is, she has tips that apply to all parents:

• Choose your battles.
• Keep your eyes open and look with a critical—and often delighted—eye at what the culture is dishing up to your children. Teach your children to do the same.
• Remind yourself that children are not little adults, but are uniquely suited to grow, learn, and enjoy life in ways that many of us adults don’t remember how to do anymore.
• Ask questions such as, “What do I want our family to be like? What are our individual gifts and perspectives? What connects us as a family and brings us joy?”
• Develop certain priorities in your family’s life, such as treating each other with respect, eating together whenever possible, and attending church together.

The book is written with a humorous, gentle tone. Faith is a big part of her life, and comes out in the book as well, but her storytelling style is entertaining and enlightening without being preachy.

To enter the giveaway, leave a comment with the moment you felt you became a "real" mom (or dad). Deadline is May 9th.

Disclosure: I received a complimentary copy of this book to facilitate this review.

Soul Sustenance: Common Challenges and Solutions

Do you find yourself emotionally or spiritually dragged down? Here are some very common problems, and ways to start combating their effects. - Anxiety. This is an emotional issue that can have physical effects, which just feed each other. One way to counteract it? Sing! It's not a magic bullet, but studies have shown that music lifts the mood. Bonus: It reduces blood pressure. - Bad relationships. We've all got them, the friends that just aren't good for us. So cut them loose! It may take time, and it may hurt at first, but in the end it will be better for you - and probably for them as well. - Gossip. There are some advantages to healthy networking conversations, and being genuinely concerned about others. But catty gossip helps no one. Would you say what you're about to say in front of the person? Let that guide what you say to others about them. - Resentment. It's easy to hold a grudge. It's hard to forgive. But resentment breeds hostility and anger, emotions that, when severe enough, have a physical effect as well. Plus, it's not worth it - your negative emotions don't hurt the other person. They only hurt you. Learn to forgive. Seek help of a counselor, clergy member, or trusted friend if you need to. - Excessive work. Did you know that taking a break from work actually improves overall productivity? It's true! Periodic breaks help refresh your mind and keep you at your prime. So if you start to feel yourself getting down, take five and come back with a fresh mind. Plus, it's better for your body anyway than sitting all day long.