Right now, there are three
relationships in your life that trouble you. Perhaps a good friend said
something to you yesterday. It felt critical, but you’re not sure what
she meant. The two of you used to be so close, but lately you’ve been
drifting apart. Something’s not right. Oh, and your mother called.
There’s that. You know you should return her call, but you haven’t.
Why? You know there are things you should have said before, you avoided
them, and now you feel it’s too late. It’s always so hard with her.
Always messy. And then...your son has been missing. Not missing
physically, but he’s been distant, quiet, silent. Missing emotionally.
What’s that about? What’s going on in his life? You want to reach out,
but he pushes you away. It worries you.
Maybe the relationships in your
life aren’t exactly like these, but I’m guessing these remind you of
someone close to you, a problem relationship in your life right now.
Maybe it’s not your mother but your father, perhaps not your son but a
daughter-in-law. It could be your best friend. Whoever it is, he or she
is someone who matters to you—or else the relationship wouldn’t
trouble you, gnaw at you on the inside, make you question and grumble,
or even bring you to tears.
Seriously, think about it. Who are they? And now take a moment to name these three key relationships out loud.
Trust me, this is important for you. In fact, this may be the most significant thing you do in your life right now. Why? Because life is way too short. At the end of the day—at the end of The Day—in this all-too-short life we share, all that really matters is relationships. Our relationships with the God who created us and with the people we love. Compared to these relationships, the job or career goals we set now aren’t really so important, the ladders we try to climb don’t matter so much, and the objects we long to own and possess seem utterly trivial.
What really counts in the end is
that special knowing look you share with your spouse, the arms of your
child reaching up to you, or the quiet comfort of a friend who stands
by your side in a difficult time.
The award-winning animated movie
Up contains some profound truths about relationships. In a
breathtaking sequence early in the film, we see the entire arc of the
life of Carl, a balloon salesman, as he meets Ellie, falls in love, and
gets married. They share a dream to travel to South America and save
every penny for their big trip. But there’s something familiar about
the way their savings are constantly being used for the urgencies and
emergencies of daily life. Before Carl and Ellie know it, they’re in
their seventies, and although they have a beautiful marriage, they
never realized their dream adventure. Ellie dies, and Carl is overwhelmed with regret about the trip they
never took. In a desperate attempt to escape loneliness and recapture
memories of Ellie, Carl attaches a bunch of balloons to his house and
sets out for South America!
You begin to realize as the movie progresses that this dream trip they
were saving for, this object of their future plan together, wasn’t
really that important after all. The real adventure was the life they
shared along the way.
The same is true for us: the adventure of a lifetime is right in front of us. It’s just cleverly disguised as a familiar face.
Think about the possible loss of
the relationship with one of those three people you named. You can’t
do anything about death and the physical departure of one of them from
this earth. That’s in God’s hands. But you can do something about your relationship with them in life.
Much of what you’ve been told about relationships is upside down and wrong.
Researchers tell us that a baby
sees everything upside down for the first few days of life until the
brain can adjust the visual picture to right side up. Most
relationships today are stuck in this same infant stage; we tend to see
relationships upside down, and our culture only reinforces this view.
The concept of love at first sight permeates our music, movies,
television, and books. What we learn as children and continue to
believe as adults is that a fairy-tale relationship somehow just
happens. Now, I’m not bashing romance, but meaningful relationships
depend on seeing other people as they are and looking at them right
side up. Real love—whether romantic love, a close friendship, or a
family relationship—happens long after first sight. It shows up as
people get to know each other more deeply and often after they work
through tough things together. Real love in relationships isn’t a magic
act; it’s a journey.
When people say, “It was love at first sight,” what they really mean
is “I was attracted to that person the first time I saw them.” There is
nothing wrong with being infatuated with someone at the start of a
relationship. The real question, however, is, do you have a love that is
growing stronger and deeper every day?
I’d like you to join me in the Lasting Love Relationship Challenge. The book One Month to Love
is the challenge, and you can do it on your own. Just read a chapter
each day. There are thirty chapters, they’re short, and you can probably
read one a day pretty easily. At the end of each chapter you’ll find
the Lasting Love Relationship Challenge, which is designed to help you
take the insights from that day and apply them to your key
relationships. Also you can log on to onemonthtolove.com each day to
access our personal coaching and get extra encouragement and advice or
share your story. Our goal is to come alongside you to help you create
the very best relationships possible. Let’s resolve to love this year!
Adapted from One Month to Love by Kerry and Chris Shook with permission of Multnomah Books, a division of Random House, Inc. All rights reserved.
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