I had just turned off the
evening news and was on my way to the kitchen to begin dinner when Lizzie ran
up to me, grabbed my waist and with very serious eyes, looked up to me and
asked me this question. “Mommy, what if Santa can’t afford Christmas this
year?”
Lizzie had been in earshot of
the evening news and no doubt heard enough of the financial woes and was
concerned. I hesitated, not wanting to scare her, but also not wanting to lie
to her. Her father and I had expressed concern about bills, the holidays, and
taxes--all of which may have contributed to Lizzie’s question and concern. I
wasn’t sure what a 7-year-old should be told; but since I had always prided
myself in open discussion, I decided to take the time and talk with Lizzie in
an effort to answer her question.
You don’t have to be a news
buff to be aware that times are tough right now. Protests are happening in
every country including our own, news of banks making money but still charging
a checking fee for customers, and there’s fighting between politicians with ranting
and raving depending on where their support dollars are coming from. It’s
crazy, and on a more basic level, every household is trying to re-budget and
pay back debt. Many of those households are full of children with holiday wish
lists longer than your credit card receipts.
Parents with children such as
Lizzie will be more effective at teaching their children the true meaning of
the holidays, the depth of family love, and mentoring responsible spending if
they take these sorts of questions seriously. Lizzie asked a serious question
in her 7-year-old mind. Here are five important tips that can be used again and
again as the holidays grow closer.
1.
Santa has nothing to do with money. Santa is
about feeling loved and cared for. The toy you love most, and that will make
you feel most loved, is the one Santa will try his best to get. It is important
that as a parent, you help guide your child with gift requests. If you know
your child wants a $100 toy, and you can only afford $50, then suggest another
toy that would make your child feel just as loved. Don’t do this in a critical
manner, but in a loving, supportive manner. Something such as this, “I know you
want that toy, but that is so much money for one toy. What other toy could you
get that would make you feel just as loved?” If you do this with a loving tone
of voice, you are teaching compassion, understanding, and problem solving.
2.
Reassure your child that adults like the spirit
of the holidays too, and they are not going to let a Christmas go by--no matter
how poor they are--without celebrating. No matter who you are, you should make
every effort to celebrate holidays with your child. No matter what holiday you
celebrate, children learn from the ritual and the spiritual concepts that
surround the holidays.
3.
Make the focus of the holidays on friends and
family. Look at “wish lists” but also promote thinking of others. Children are
very egocentric at young ages; that means it’s more important for parents not
to be. Children, who turn into generous, compassionate, and loving adults, were
nurtured by loving, compassionate and generous parents. You don’t have to be
wealthy to be generous, loving and compassionate. Perhaps try sorting out good
but used toys or books that are no longer age appropriate, and going with your
child to donate them to a children’s hospital or shelter where these might be
greatly appreciated.
4.
Parents need to set a budget for gifts and stick
to it. The best gifts of all are the ones that cost the least, but speak the
loudest of love and caring. Last year, a friend of mine bought me three pairs
of running socks (I am a runner. I use these every single day). Inside the toe
of each sock, she rolled up a slip of paper that had a quote of something I had
said to her that meant the most throughout the year. Six quotes…so meaningful.
It was my FAVORITE gift. The idea of giving a gift is thinking of what the
person would like, or letting them know how they touched your life.
5.
Let Lizzie know frequently, and any other child,
that the economic crisis may mean everyone has less, but it will never take
away their family. Santa may not be giving out as many gifts, but that’s okay
because you have the best gift of all with one another. Children (and parents)
who are reassured that their family is strong and loving can endure this and anything
else.
To be honest, Lizzie, you may
not get the biggest, most expensive toy this year, but the holidays will have
more love than last year because the bigger you get, the more loving you
become, and the more grateful I am to be your parent.
----------------------------------------
Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC, is a
licensed psychotherapist and co-author with Janine J. Sherman, of Start
Talking: A Girl’s Guide for You and Your Mom About Health, Sex or Whatever. Read more about the book at www.StartTalkingBook.com and more
about Rapini at www.maryjorapini.com. Twitter Mary Jo: @maryjorapini
-------------------------------
Start Talking
features succinct yet lively answers, sample conversations, and real life
stories to help open the door to better mother/daughter communication. Rapini
and Sherman have compiled more than 113 questions girls (and their moms)
routinely ask – or should be asking – about health, sex, body image, and
dating.
For more information and
MONTHLY FREE RELATIONSHIP TIP go to: www.maryjorapini.com
Talk to
Mary Jo on her fan page: http://www.facebook.com/maryjorapini
Tweet her:
@ Mary Jo Rapini
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